Brunch for 1 with cocktail: £19.00

Its the day after Independence day and since I did absolutely nothing on the 4th that came even remotely close to celebrating the good ‘ole USofA I wake up on Sunday planning to hit one of the “American” restaurants in my neighborhood for brunch.  No beans and chips for me today (I am a Yank after all).

There are several options on Westbourne Grove that all claim to serve varying styles of American food. I choose Harlem mostly because I am hoping to get some familiar grub and since Harlem is in New York City…any way it all made perfect sense in my mind.

Their claims about their “famous” Bloody Mary catches my eye.  I do love a good Bloody Mary. Their description makes it sound like it is made fresh there at the restaurant. I am expecting a great salad in a glass with horseradish and celery salt, tobasco, etc. So excited! Its the “best” Bloody Mary in ALL of London after all!

It was honestly the most pathetic Bloody Mary I’ve ever seen served – and I have had a lot of them . I was supposed to be getting a knock my socks off sinus clearing explosion of flavor.  What I had was a sweet, thin, cheap mix in a glass.  I’ve been served a better Bloody Mary by a flight attendant – in coach. Things were not off to a good start.

I ordered corned beef hash and fried eggs for breakfast.  This is without question my all time favorite diner breakfast back home.  There is nothing gourmet about it.  Its a simple meal generally involving canned corned beef hash fried up nice and crispy with two fried eggs on top.  This is something that any short order cook in the greasiest of greasy spoons can make without screwing up.  Its dead simple.

The worst breakfast in London

After the Bloody Mary I was prepared to be underwhelmed but I was not actually prepared to be so insulted by my meal.  The menu said the eggs were “soft fired eggs” – meaning the yolk would be runny.  These eggs were fried so hard that the yolks tasted like had been hard boiled.  You can see how overcooked the eggs are in the photo.  On the other end of the spectrum I think they steamed the corned beef hash which should be crispy. Also I know this is being picky – but tomato and mushroom? I defy you to find an American breakfast with a sandblasted mushroom and a raw under ripe tomato half on the plate.

It was awful.  Absolutely terrible.  I could not believe that this restaurant was run by anyone who had ever even been to America – let alone had eaten there.  I checked – the owner is indeed an American – and should frankly be ashamed to call their product soul food.  There is no soul here.

I would not be surprised if the jambalaya on their dinner menu is actually Zatarain’s from a box.  Avoid at all costs – you’d get more authentic and better quality American food at a McDonald’s.

Harlem
78 Westbourne Grove
London W2 5RT‎

Lunch for 2 with beer: £23.00

Its about time I got out and about in Britain.  Its not all London after all.  Luckily I am not the only one who’s not seen much outside the capital.  Some of my English friends have missed whole swathes of the countryside and luckily they have cars!

One such friend is Martin who has somehow – up until now of course – never been to the Cotswolds.  So on a recent Saturday we set off on a mission to overdose on pretty.

Our first stop was Mister Lovell which is close to Oxford but is pretty darn empty.  No coaches could possibly make it into the village so it is fairly unspoiled.  The reason to come here is the ruin of Lovell Hall which is situated in an idyllic setting on the edge of a wood by a stream.

Lovell Hall

It took us quite a while to find it (turns out its right behind the church – which is also nice to visit) but it was well worth the effort.  It would be a great place to have a picnic, but bring your food with you as I did not see any shops in the village.

Our next stop was Burford which is (as are all the Cotswolds villages) pretty, but it is also crammed full of other tourists all gawking at the sagging cottages.

The high street all seemed a little much so we headed off onto a side street to the Angel for lunch.  Not too far off of the beaten path it is nevertheless a complete contrast to the hustle and bustle of the high street.  The pub itself is elfin in proportions.  I am considered to be quite short and I am pretty sure I could have reached up and touched the ceiling.  It was quite cozy and I was prepared to tuck into a table by the fireplace when the landlord suggested the garden in the back.

This was no London pub beer garden (read concrete square with table on it).  This was a proper garden filled with flowers and birdsong.  There are several tables but they are all well spaced out so you’ve got plenty of room to relax.

Knowing that we would be stopping somewhere later that day for a cream tea I opted for a simple ploughman’s with Stilton.

Ploughman's

I expected something really simple and dull so was well pleased when my lunch arrived.  Everything about it was just right.  The bread was a hearty country style (no bagged bread here).   There was ample salad, really good cheese and we suspect that the “pickle” was house made.  All in all a very good country lunch.  I was well fortified for the next 300 small villages it felt like we visited that day.

They also have an interesting looking dinner menu which you can order from during lunch.  I would definitely stop by again, if ever I find myself in Burford.

Smurf Cottages, Broadway

Other places that you should definitely go to in the Cotswolds are the Slaughters and Broadway.  Avoid Bourton on the Water at all costs as it has been turned into a horrible Cotswolds theme park.

The Angel
14 Whitney St
Burford, Oxfordshire
OX18 4SN

Dinner for 1 with beer: £20.00

Since I spend so much time in the UK I figured it was about time for me to get over a big fear – driving on the wrong side of the road.  I had a long weekend to Devon planned which required me to break free of public transportation and to make sure I would be a complete menace to the motoring public I scheduled a 2 hour driving lesson in London.

Turns out driving in the UK is really just not a big deal.  I managed just fine driving around central London in a stick shift – no stalls, no wrong turns.  And strangely I can parallel park like a pro here – which is something I am a total failure at back home in New York.  So to celebrate my not having damaged the car or any pedestrians I wanted to treat myself to something really spicy and fantastic.  I couldn’t get string hoppers out of my mind so I looked for a Sri Lankan restaurant reasonably close to my flat.

Sekara is located near Victoria station on fairly deserted section of Lower Grosvenor pl.  This was probably not the best neighborhood to look for quality Asian food but I just did not have the energy to travel farther South or East so I figured I would give it a go.

The interior is pretty ho hum with the exception of the spectacularly cheesy mall art on the walls – apparently all for sale.  I considered a few velvet paintings while mulling over the menu.

Vadai

I started with the vadai which are lentil patties were described on the menu as succulent.  I’ve had them before and they can be excellent.  These awful little nuggets were so dry that I really did nearly choke on them.  Not something I would order again here.

For my main I ordered white potato curry with sting hopper and pol sambola.  For those who have no idea what it was that I just wrote string hoppers are made from rice noodles and pol sambol is a mixture of fresh coconut and chillis that is pretty commonly served with Sri Lankan food.  I also had an order of okra.

White Potato Curry with String Hopper with Pol Sambol

The potato curry was so unbelievably bland that I dumped the entire dish of sambol into it.  Unfortunately the sambol was also utterly without flavor.  The okra was the highlight but its not a good meal when your side dish is the main event.

In a town with many excellent options for Sri Lankan food I will be looking elsewhere the next time I have a craving for string hoppers.

Book I was reading:  A History of Japan

Sekara
3 Lower Grosvenor Place
London, SW1W 0EJ

Dinner for 1 with a glass of wine: £34.00

All I want for dinner is fish.  I am dreaming of a simple grilled fillet with a little white wine, garlic and lemon.  Geale’s is a restaurant that is often recommended for more than its fish and chips and it is close to my flat so I got my self all excited for a healthy meal.

The restaurant has a very elegant interior, happily lacking any silly nautical theme.  But it is such a lovely evening that I opt to dine Al fresco.  The street in front saw maybe one or two cars pass by over the course of my meal so it is a good place to take advantage of the sidewalk tables on a summer evening.

House Cured Salmon

I started with the house cured salmon with blini and creme fraiche.   The salmon was fresh and briney without being too salty.   I hate it when a restaurant calls something it isn’t and so I was happy to have a genuine buckwheat blini rather than a white flour pancake being passed off as one.

After the success of the starter I was really looking forward to my main – scampi.  I had gone hoping to order fish but to have a fillet of anything that was not deep fried I would have had to order a whole fish which just seemed greedy for one person.  Instead I settled on the scampi thinking “What’s the next best thing to fish in butter and garlic? Shrimp in butter in garlic”.  Oh yes it was going to be light and fresh and relatively healthy.

My not so scampi

And then my waiter brought me a plate of deep fried shrimp with tartar sauce.  Clearly the British have a different definition of scampi then we do in the US.  I have learned a lesson here – always ask how something is prepared – ALWAYS.  It was perfectly good deep fried shrimp – but the last thing I wanted was deep fried anything.

New potatoes and spinach

The sides were good and since they were not deep fried I concentrated on them so as to minimize the artery hardening being caused by the scampi.

The service was lovely and I will definitely go back.    This is a very good place to go to on your own for a relaxing, civilized meal.  Next time however – gluttony be damned – I will be ordering a whole grilled fish.

Book I was reading: Brief Interviews with Hideous Men

Geale’s
2 Farmer St.
London, W8 7SN

Dinner for 1 with several beers: £30.00

The most recent outing of the Curry Club occurred a few weeks ago on a Wednesday..always a good night to go out on a bender.  This time we headed out to Urban Kahari in glamorous Hanwell.

A kahari is a specific type of pot for cooking in which I had never heard of so I was excited to try something new.  I was also promised some serious hot and spicy.

The interior of the restaurant is perplexing.  Its looks like what people in the 80s imagined the future would look like.  Lots of shiny black surfaces, colored lights and water features all over the place.  Its tacky as hell, but in a fun rather than off putting way.  My favorite aspect of the decor was the ladies toilet which was right out of the movie Tron – awesome.

We started out by sharing an order of the Atomic Wings.

Stunt Wings

I am pretty cavalier about my chili consumption, believing that virtually no foods are too spicy for me to eat.  I didn’t give a second thought to taking a big bite out of one.

Have you ever seen that episode of the Simpsons where Homer eats the Guatemalan insanity pepper that is so hot that he winds up having hallucinations and goes on a spirit journey with a fox?  These wings were that freakin hot and I sat waiting for my own spirit guide for a few moments expecting to wake up in the hospital.  I am pretty sure I chugged an entire large beer in an attempt to extinguish the pain but my memory is a little fuzzy for the 10 minute period between when I first ate the wing and when I recovered the use of my facial muscles.

In the midst of the screaming and the downing of cold drinks I turned to my left to see my friend Tim finishing off all of the wings – even dipping them repeatedly in the sauce to get as much chili as possible.  Maniac.  The rest of us were sweating and crying and here he was popping them in his mouth like grapes.  He said he didn’t think they were that hot!  The man is a chili eating machine.

These wings are stunt food.  I wouldn’t recommend ordering them if you don’t really really love the hot stuff.

Starters

The other starters were all much more reasonable.  Mongolian paneer had a good dose of heat and the cheese was fresh.  My chili mogo (cassava) a dish of Kenyan/Indian origin was seasoned nicely but the cassava itself was really dry and required a bit too much chewing.

Prawn Karahi

For the main I ordered prawns prepared in the Karahi.  This dish was a winner with fresh ginger and chili all over the place.  It was hot – but flavorful hot.  On the side we had garlic mushrooms, okra and saag (spinach) – all of which were quite good.

I was far too stuffed to entertain dessert but when I saw Lee staring down at his ice cream with a confused and slightly embarrassed look I investigated.  You have to wonder if it was tongue in cheek or completely accidental – either way completely hilarious.

Tee hee!

The food was good, the service was excellent, the ice cream was silly.  A great time was had by all.  If I ever find myself in West Ealing looking for a meal I would go again on my own or with a group but I would not make a special trip out on my own from the center of London for it.

Urban Karahi
47 Greenford Road
Hanwell, W7 1LP